Goodbye, n.: A parting word derived from a contraction of the late 14th-century phrase God be with ye—a blessing or prayer for safe travel. Saying goodbye to my parents at the airport was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I struggled between the grief for leaving the safety of family and home behind and the excitement of starting a new life halfway across the world as a newlywed. However, the excitement soon wore off. Nostalgia became my steadfast friend. See also: Grief, Homesickness.
Grief, n.: Deep sorrow. An intense emotional response to loss or major life changes. It’s compounded by distance. The longer the distance, the greater the grief. Also, you learn to fear that one phone call that will turn your world upside down. When you get the news that your loved one won’t be there to hug you when you next visit. All you’re left with is the smell of ragu bubbling away, your grandmother’s soft caress, your grandfather’s old stories.
Home, n.: 1. Someone’s place of origin. Mine, Buenos Aires, Argentina. 2. Someone’s place of residence. Dallas, Texas, for 17 years of my life. 3. The place where a person feels they belong. After living abroad for so long, I felt I belonged in that liminal space between everywhere and nowhere, a perennial outsider in varying degrees. The culture shock left me reeling. It took a few years and the support of a group of wonderful ladies to feel less like an outsider. I’d finally found my Texan tribe. My temporary home.
Homesickness, n. u.: The distress caused by being away from home in unfamiliar surroundings. It’s that hollow feeling in your heart, like it’s missing a piece. It’s that dull ache that throbs when you miss out on family celebrations. Being there in spirit is not the same. You want to hug your mother and kiss your nieces and nephews, share inside jokes with your siblings, and have a heart-to-heart with your father.
Nostalgia, n. u.: A sentimental longing for the past or for people, things, and places that no longer exist. I used to have a recurring dream. Or rather, different versions of the same dream. In it, I tried to get into the apartment that my husband and I shared in central Buenos Aires before the wedding. We’d been very happy there. As is the way with dreams, something thwarted me every time, like a changed lock or new renters. The anguish I felt upon waking would linger throughout the day.
Panic attack, n.: A sudden episode of intense fear or discomfort accompanied by mental and physical symptoms. These include the clammy hands, tachycardia, and shortness of breath that happened when the plane taking me away from my family took off. The fact that I was no longer touching home soil was a powerful trigger. Over the years, having a support network smoothed the sharper edges of my anxiety and made it manageable.
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